Martians V. Venusians

The Jazz Bus: Martians V. Venusians
Men are from Mars, women from Venus…so true. One night my lovely bride suggested, strongly I might add ,that it was time to start our holiday shopping. My heart be still. Since it was not even Thanksgiving I knew Kohl’s must be having their annual 30% off and Kohl’s cash back sale. Up early in the morning, breakfast done, the dog walked, her credit card warmed up and with a few dollars in my pocket away we go. Not exactly remembering where this store was I misjudged it by a few streets. If she said we were going to the long defunct Mays, I would have known exactly where to turn. Shopping and store locations are not strong suites for me.
Finally arriving I find the parking lot is quite full. Entering the doorway I noticed the long lines already at the registers. I contemplated suggesting that I should leave, get a cup of coffee, and return in a month or so when the crowds might be gone, but thought better of the damage that statement might have caused. The bride was bubbling, ecstatic about all the shoppers which she equated to a boom in the economy. While knowing she was correct in her economic projections, I was scanning the place for possible escape routes.
Resigned to the fact that I promised “to be good”, I started searching for some “me items”. After only two minutes in the Men’s Department my “me” shopping was ended as we were on our way to Kids, Infants, Ladies, Misses, Teens, Shoes, Toys, Bed and Bath, Kitchen Wares; whew, I was tired and my arms hurt from caring all our “savings”. We never fully explored the first floor, except to enter, pay and leave. Knowing that Venusians are smarted then Martians I sensed a return trip was in order to explore the first floor “savings” and to spend the Kohl’s Cash we were rewarded upon paying for today’s “savings”.
During this shopping expedition I noticed that there were only a few other Martians but plenty of Venusians. Most Venusians traveled in pairs, or groups of 3 or 4. The Martians I saw had eyes lowered to the ground and were more like mules carrying the handiwork of the Venusians. What made it more curious was that many, many Venusians could multi-task, and mostly you could hear what they were thinking. One was looking at a clothing rack, contemplating the 30% discount plus the 15% additional saving for using her credit card while speaking aloud about Thanksgiving arrangements, who would be there and what size Little Johnnie was and did he like Toy Store 3. At first I just thought it was a crazy person, ranting to no one in particular. I searched for her cell phone in her hand but saw none as she was shopping two handed. Finally, I noticed what appeared to be a miniature ear piece and knew she was speaking to the mother ship. I hope they beam her up soon, or better yet, me. Martians, we don’t usually contact each other in that manner, a head nod with lowered eyes will do.jazzbus@gmail.com