Retirement??? No Way

The Jazz Bus: Retirement??
Retirement you say ,to which I respond, “No way”. While I may not have a “9 to 5 “ or respond to the alarm clock every morn ,I do rise from my slumber , eat breakfast and “go to work”, whatever that may mean for that particular day. Yes, I left the “rat race” but under no circumstances am I “retired” because that’s what old people do (no offense meant). Daily I do what I want, when I want, or whatever the bride, now referred to as “my supervisor”, has planned for me. Currently I am an unpaid worker in the home improvement business. What started out as a simple request, “Honey, Can WE paint the bathroom vanity?” lost its partnership of “we” and became “my new job”. Simply put the vanity painting led to a desire for new hinges and handles, then a new vanity top and sink which when installed by me led to minor plumbing repairs followed by major leakages under the sink . My apprenticeship in Electrical work started as the newly painted vanity needed new lighting which led to the dreaded ordering of new wallpaper to cover the barely noticeable space where the old fixture had vacated. The Supervisor pondered “ a beach theme and Wayne Scotting the lower walls” to which I silently responded, “What?” followed by “Who the heck is Wayne Scotting ?”; I only hoped he was a subcontractor, but alas, I now have a complete understanding of what “wainscoting” is, how to cut it, and put it up.
Not satisfied “we” added chair rails, and of course the obligatory corner molding all which needed to be mitered to perfection which takes painstaking patience, for which I am not known. Now come the towel racks, toilet paper roll holder and assorted wall items which morphed into buying new towels and rugs to match the new wallpaper. What started as a one hour trip to pick up some paint, off white was the color, led to a few hours standing in the Paint Section deciding which white because they have 42 selections of off white. Who knew? , not me. Each day about 5 pm The Boss calls it a day, she is tired from making all these decisions and she allows me to wash up to become “The Chef”, as well as the much needed mixologist, two for ones . So in the past few weeks this “retired soul” was a plumber, electrician, carpenter, all around handy-man, chef, bartender, waiter, and any other job out there; A worker who no longer has a union to protect him from work place abuses. And I don’t get weekends off.
So the question posed was “Where have you been?” and “who are you?” can now be easily answered. Check Home Depot, Lowe’s, F and D Supply, any plumbing supply house, or maybe the lighting store on Route 110 and look for the guy who is not smiling, the one walking a few steps behind the hyper excited woman who has a handful of color swatches. So, Ralph, NO, I didn’t go on vacation or retire, just got a new boss and NO TIME OFF to write. (Someone help me, please) Kindred spirits can write me…but don’t expect a reply as The Boss is watching. Jazzbus@gmail.com